How to Adjust with your Spouse for a Successful Marriage

Just accept these words: 'Adjust Everywhere!' Adjust! Adjust! Adjust! There should be no conflicts in the home. Adjustment will bring harmony during difficult situations in life. 

Why should you adjust with your spouse?

The reason you must adjust is because every event in this world is terminal; it will eventually come to an end, but if it lasts a long time and you do not adjust to it, then you will be hurting both yourself and your spouse.

If you adjust to the other person in every situation, life will be beautiful. After all, what do we take with us when we die? Someone may tell you to 'straighten out your spouse', but if you try to do so, you will become crooked yourself. Do not try to improve your spouse. Just accept them as they are. It would be a different matter if you had a permanent relationship with them life after life, but who knows where they will be in their next life. You will both die at different times. Your karma is different and so is theirs. And if by chance you manage to improve them in this life, in their next life they will end up being someone else's spouse!

Therefore, do not try to improve them. They too, should not attempt to improve you. Whatever they are like, tell yourself, 'they are as good as gold'. You cannot improve anyone’s inherent characteristics and traits no matter how hard you try. Just like a dog's tail remains crooked, no matter how hard you try to straighten it. So be careful and let them be the way they are. Adjust everywhere.

Let us study different scenarios that may arise in married life, to understand how we can adjust in them and have a successful marriage:

Do not add fuel to the fire

Supposing your spouse has a quarrel with someone and they are so enraged that they begin to yell at you as you enter your home. Think of them like a pressure cooker, it gets heated at the bottom, but then all the heat comes out the top, through the whistle. So what should you do? Should you get angry also? When such events occur, you should adjust and carry on. You do not know who or what made them so furious. Therefore, you should not allow a dispute to ensue. If they begin to argue with you, just calm them down.

The Art of Adjustment

Say your wife gets upset with you because you are detained at work and come home late. She expresses her disapproval by complaining, "You are late. I will not put up with this anymore." When she loses her temper, you should say, "Yes dear, you are quite right. If you tell me to go back I will. If you tell me to sit inside, I will sit inside." She will respond, "No, don't go back. Just rest here quietly." Then you tell her, "If you tell me to, I will eat supper or else I will go to sleep," to which she will reply, "No, have your supper." This is adjustment. In the morning you will get a hot cup of tea. If you get angry, when she is angry then in the morning your breakfast will be served to you in anger. She will bang your teacup on the table. Her sulking will continue for the next three days.

You may think to yourself, 'Why are women like this?' But really women are your counterweight. They are helpful to you.

'A wife is the counterweight of her husband.' 

If that counterweight were not there, then the husband would fall. Counterweights are installed in engines. The engine will break down without these counterweights. In the same way, women are the counterweight of men. Without a wife to stabilize him the husband will fall. He will run around everywhere, without any purpose. He comes home because of the woman. If not, would he come home?

Just like a cart which needs both wheels to keep it balanced and move forward, a marriage needs both a husband and a wife. Husbands are in fact the counterweights of their wives. How so? Because each on has their own unique traits and characteristics. There attributes complement each other. If the traits are used creatively and constructively then the marriage will flourish.

Identify your nearest Relationship

Say you have already decided that you want to go to your friend’s house in the evening with your spouse, but when you come home, your spouse is very tired. They do not want to go out at all. What should you do? Realize that in order to keep your word to your friend you should not end up hurting your spouse, by forcing them to go out. This is because, if you happen to get into trouble with your friend, then you can see to it later. However, at home, do not get into trouble. In order to maintain a good impression with your friend, you unnecessarily create problems at home. In reality, your spouse is more important than your friends. They are your immediate family, so you should not try to save your friendship at the cost of your spouse.