What Falling in Love Means?

As youngsters usher into their teenage, due to the physical changes happening inside them, the excessive influence of the social media and the showing-off business going on in the friend-circle of school or college, they fall into the trap of attraction. This is usually understood as falling in love. Feelings towards some person arises within, his/her presence creates a pull and one likes it inside; that person’s thoughts only are on the mind day and night; imaginary thoughts and visualizations begin. One feels like they have fallen in love with! At one moment, one feels like one is in the seventh heaven, and in the other, one feels like if earth gives me space, I bury myself into it. This condition is such that keeps going up and down, up and down, constantly. Is this really love?

This so-called love is not confined to mere attraction. When the current of attraction is flowing on both the sides, long sweet-sweet conversations go on between each other, acquaintance increases and they start meeting privately. Going ahead, limits get crossed and they slip. Nowadays, youngsters do not think there’s anything wrong in all this fun. But when the punishment for that fun comes, they are not able to bear it. Then, in the name of love, cheating, defrauding and betraying begin. When the relationship breaks, then frustration and depression come. Life does not seem worth living. It hurts so much when the palaces in the air that were built to get happiness from imagination, fall apart in reality.

Being trapped in this manner, many young boys and girls get cheated. Some are robbed of character, some of their money! Today the girl or the guy, one is hanging out with, when goes out with someone else tomorrow and one comes to know about that, one becomes very sad. So really, where is love or was that truly falling in love? If it is really love, then why does suffering come from that loved one? Why are there fights? Why do the two part ways? How do we test such fragile relationships? Especially during the teenage, what care should one take?

If the youth understands what actually is the reality behind such greedy form of the so-called love, that how true love is and up to what point in life does it exist, how much limit should one maintain, then they will stop moving in the wrong direction.

Girlfriend-Boyfriend or a Cheating-Ditching Trend?

According to the Indian Arya culture, the first twenty-five years of life is called Brahmacharya ashram (life of celibacy), where in earlier times, the young, while practicing pure celibacy, would receive education from the Guru. But nowadays, due to the increasing influence of the western culture, the trend of teenagers having a girlfriend and boyfriend has begun right from when in school. And from there then, they fall in the so-called love.

With the changing world, it is difficult to impose a ban on the boys and girls, which prohibits them from talking to each other while in school or college. So, until there exists a clean friendship between them, it can be allowed. But seeing others around show-off, the pressure that arises within every student to have one girlfriend or boyfriend, and upon having the same, the pride that one experiences is not appropriate.

In the tender age, the understanding of children is not quite mature. They consider going out, watching movie along, having fun together, as being a girlfriend-boyfriend. Neither is their age marriageable nor is there any idea of marriage in their mind! The wrong happens when without informing anyone at home, they begin to meet secretly. When parents come to know and they try to stop them, children rebel and threaten their parents. Parents seem to them as being narrow-minded and old-fashioned. They are not able to understand that parents are only wishing their maximum good. Following the horrific incidents happening in today’s times, for the safety of their children, parents put some restrictions. But the children, considering it as a ban; oppose that.

Not just teenagers, but in young people too, there is a trend of forming such relationships before marriage. They enjoy in the beginning. Then after two-five years, the same people are very unhappy. A person whom one has considered his own, on whom one has placed a lot of trust, from whom one has taken support, there only betrayal happens. All of this impacts their education and career, but due to the scattered tendencies of their consciousness, their entire mindset becomes weak. That is when they realize that it would have been better if I would have listened to what my parents said!

When a boy and a girl hang out with each other before marriage, it is also called “lafru” (affair), which is a common form of falling in love. In one of the questionary discourses, Param Pujya Dadashri, while beautifully describing an event, explains what the word “lafru” actually means.

Dadashri: Did you have an affair of infatuation when you were young? It is when all the evidences and circumstances come together, that one gets involved in this kind of a problem.

Questioner: What is an affair of infatuation?

Dadashri: Yes, I will tell you. A man had seen his son who was at college, going around with a girl. He asked his son why he was going around in a state of infatuation. People nowadays do not call it so but in the old days they used to call it a lafroo, a temporary state of infatuation and attraction. The father referred to it as lafroo because he knew that his son was being foolish in thinking that he was in love and was going to suffer tremendously from that relationship. This lafroo was clinging to him and it would hurt him. It is not easy to sustain love. Everyone knows how to have love affairs, but they do not know how to break away from such a love. The son became very upset when he heard his father refer to his girlfriend as a lafroo.

He told his father that he was ruining his reputation by saying such things and asked him not to speak in this manner in public. The father agreed.

The son dated this girl for two years and then one day he saw her with another boy at the movies. It was then that he realized that his father was right all along. His relationship with the girl was a lafroo.

When all the evidences and circumstances come together, one will become stuck with a lafroo and it will be very difficult to get free from it and when she starts seeing someone else, he will not be able to sleep at night. Does this not happen? From the moment the son realized what his father had said and recognized that it was truly a lafroo, a false love, it began to release him from its grip. As long as he saw her as his girlfriend and not a lafroo, he was bound to her.

Questioner: So if one wants to sum up the differences between false love and real love, how can one do that?

Dadashri: Why are you talking about love when there is no love? Besides real love there is no other love at all; it is all attachment, attraction and illusion. People become blind with illusion and lose sense of reasoning. They have no awareness in this matter.

When parents or well-wishers caution, they are not ready to listen to them. But then, when facts come in front of their eyes, wisdom dawns upon them that this is not love, it is a lafroo! Due to past attachment-hatred, circumstances come together today, the two get attracted, and lafroo sets in! Later, when lots of merit karma unfold, experience happens like it happened in the case of this boy as the circumstance that gives right understanding comes to play. From the time you recognize the lafroo as a lafroo, it begins to leave.

While Dating, Is Youth Seeking Love or Prey?

When dating began in the western countries, the intention was that prior to marriage, the two meet each other in public places and test each other’s compatibility for marriage. Today, many means of dating have arrived. Before meeting in person, dating has begun through phone, chat, video call or internet, and even through the phone applications. Due to technology, the dating culture has exploded amongst the teenagers and young adults all over the world. The objective of getting married later has been forgotten, and today, the approach of having fun in the moment has spread.

Dating with one person for four-six months, hanging out together, or spending one night together, crossing the boundary, and then breaking up—all of this has become normal. In very little time, one is out hunting for another dating partner. Also, many people date with one and keep a couple of others in backup; if one breaks up, they start with another. In all of this, the boy and the girl’s minds get spoilt and their character too. Today, we date with one, and six months or a year later, s/he leaves and goes, what is the whole point then? How can this be called falling in love? In such a situation, ours and the other person’s feelings get hurt. Time and energy get spent in the wrong direction.

Dating can prove to be dangerous, especially in the teenage. In this tender age, children do not understand the complexity of the relationships or feelings. They lack the understanding required to handle themselves when more than one affair and breakup happens. As a result, they fall prey to depression. Many a times, where acquaintances happen through internet, there are cases of people getting trapped into the clutch of the persons dating with a wrong profile.

Our safe-side lies in staying away from dating when in a student age. The age of 18-19-year-old boys and girls is not for finding a dating partner, but rather, it is for paying attention on their career. When dating begins, photographs of that individual are seen in textbooks. The exam results keep deteriorating.

Today’s youngsters argue that all of this does not affect their career. Yet, in subtle terms, their consciousness does get fractured, restlessness increases, stability and fortitude break down. As the mental power gets destroyed, weakness sets in and the endurance power reduces. They remain engrossed in tools that enhance fascination (moha), such as TV, movie, social media, and the internet. They are not able to interact with living people. On getting depressed over little-little matters, they do not hesitate in taking the wrong step (e.g., committing suicide). Many become a victim of depression, addiction, or vices too. If these dangers come into one’s sight, then one can stay away from dating.

When you reach the marriageable age and you want to get to know someone, you should maintain a relation that of a friend. This is how falling in love should start. Meet in public places, know each other’s hobbies, tendencies, nature, etc. Once you choose any one person as your girlfriend or boyfriend, then marry that person only, and all your life, remain sincere to her / him. In case, the other person is not willing to get bound in marriage, then beware. In there, limits should not be crossed for sure.

Having physical relations before marriage is a beastly act. It leads to the sin that takes one to the lower life-form. The rule is that when such fault is committed with a person, such karmic account gets bound with that person that wherever he goes in the next life, you have to go there. When girlfriend-boyfriend date, enjoy each other, and later break up and go out with another person; then one of the two can hold a grudge; can take revenge. Because the more the attachment, the more is the hatred. One will not spare us then for several lives together, until the revenge is taken.

Friendship Should be Sincere and Moral

The youth has asked Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan too, questions pertaining to dating and friendship. In His answers, the youngsters are able to find the correct direction.

Questioner: Is dating a sin? Dating means, these girls go out with boys and the boys go out with girls, so is that a sin? Is there an issue with that?

Dadashri: Yes. When a girl wishes to go around with boys, she should get married then. Then decide on one boy only. There should be one decided upon. Otherwise do not commit such crime, until marriage does not happen, one should not go around with boys.

Questioner: But over here, when boys and girls turn fourteen, they go out together. Then they get along. From there, things could move forward too. And in there, if something goes wrong with someone, they do not get along with each other, then they go out with some other guy. Later, if that too doesn’t work out, then third, that’s how they go round and round, and are with two-two, four-four people also at once.

Dadashri: That is a wildness, wild life!

Questioner: So, what should these people do?

Dadashri: Should remain sincere to one guy and the boy remains sincere to us, life should be such. Insincerity in life is a wrong life.

Questioner: How can one remain sincere? While one is going around with one person only, however, the other boy or the girl becomes insincere.

Dadashri: Then one must stop going out! One should get married. After all we are Indian, not wild life.

Upon getting married, both remain sincere with one another for the rest of the life. Therefore, if we want to remain sincere, then from the beginning, one should not have any friendship with another person. One should remain very strict. Do not hang out with any boy, and if you want to, then decide one boy, that I will marry him. Tell your parents that if I marry, I will get married to him only; I don’t want to marry anybody else. Insincere life is a wild life.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that friendship should be moral-bound. Moral means whoever comes as our partner, we remain sincere to them and they remain sincere to us. Nowadays, boys-girls remain together for four months, and then say, “We broke up, because I like someone else.” When together, they give hopes to each other that, “You are mine, I am yours, we shall marry.” Then, upon break-up, the other person gets a big shock. (Such people) dumps one after all the enjoyment, and then has fun with another person. Plays with the other person’s life. But they do not realize what would be the outcome of this in their next life. Therefore, friendship should be moral-bound and attach only if you intend remaining true to that relationship for the entire life.

Choosing a Life Partner for the Youngsters

Nowadays, boys and girls are attracted towards each other’s appearance or style, while some are attracted by money. This they think as falling in love. While giving true understanding to the youth, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that, “Do not love someone seeing the looks, rather see the temperament and love. Temperament means the person’s nature. If it is a heartily temperament, then it is okay to fall in love, but if it is a selfish intellect, then beware there.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan provides the key to test such love.

Questioner: These days, boys and girls fall in love because of infatuation and attraction. Do they fail because of this illusionary love?

Dadashri: Yes, it is only because of illusion and infatuation. One sees a beautiful face, and falls in love. But this is not love. Now if there were a boil on that face, one would not even go near her. If the boil were to remain on her face for twelve months or so, he would not want to see her face and his illusion of love disappears altogether. Real love on the other hand, would not disappear even if there were numerous boils. So, look for this kind of love; otherwise, do not get married at all or else you will be trapped. A man appreciates his wife when she talks sweetly to him but when she pouts, he says he does not like to look at her face.

Before marriage, boys and girls fall in love and are drawn into attraction. Nowadays, many even live together in one house (in a live-in-relationship) before marriage. However, if you see them closely, in every little talk, there is disagreement, argument or fight going on between the two of them all the time. There is no love at all. Things do not happen as per their will, so they fight. Their love (moh) is not fulfilled, so they fight. Their expectations are not met; so, they fight. At the end of it all, both are always unhappy.

Especially girls, when clashes happen with parents at home, in order to get warmth and care, they look out for a boyfriend outside, and are heavily cheated by getting trapped in such love. Actually, they do not get any warmth and care. At home, parents who have given love and warmth for 18-20 years, they hold no value (in the eyes of such children) and an outsider says two nice words, gives respect, then she gives away her life for him. When she asks him to marry, the boy ignores that talk. Many a times, the boy gives a false promise to marry and uses her, and once his selfish interest is served, he leaves her.

No matter what kind of love you may seem to have, prior to marriage, one should not allow their character to spoil. Because where there is true love, there is no physical desire or any kind of greed.

Inviting Disaster by Saying Shall Remain Together Life after Life

They show in movies that Romeo and Juliet, Laila and Majnu sacrificed their lives for each other in love. It is said to be an example of supreme love and the youth follows that. Many youngsters fall in love, and when there comes opposition from the family, in the belief that ‘life after life we are meant to be together’ they end their lives together. At the root of it is their excessive attachment for each other, which in turn does a lot of damage. Both seek warmth from each other. When there comes a blow on it, “How will I live without him/her?”, in that fear of insecurity, they terminate their lives.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan does not call this love, rather it is being emotional.

Questioner: Two people, who are lovers, commit suicide when they do not get support from their family. This happens many times, so what kind of love is that?

Dadashri: Wandering love! How can it ever be called love? One gets emotional and lies down on the railway track! And will say, ‘In the next life, we shall be together alone.’ Do not ever harness such hope. The other person goes around according to their karma. They shall never come together!!

Questioner: Even if they have the desire to be together, they don’t come together?

Dadashri: Does anything happen by keeping the desire? The next life is the result of the karma! And this is emotionality.

Without understanding the purpose of life, the young blindly waste away their lives. On top of that, it is mere imagination only that we will die together and shall be together again in the next life. However, there is a huge difference between imagination and reality. The next life of a human being is determined based on his/her karma. Hence, there is no guarantee of being born together again.

If today’s youth gets the right understanding, then it is possible to mold them as desired. Therefore, if such true facts of falling in love stated by Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan spread all over the world, then the lives of many teenagers and youth are saved from being wasted.