What to do when the other person is angry with you?

Show Mercy on a Person Angry with You!

Someone asks us whether we get angry or anger just arises. Then what do we say, "I do not desire to be angry, but it just happens." Similarly, the other person does not have a desire to get angry, but it just happens. Just like how our anger is not in our own control, neither is it in control of the other person. When someone is angry with us, if we get angry at them, the fire will be kindled.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan gives us an explanation of what understanding should we have when facing anger.

Questioner: But Dada, what should we do if someone gets heated up in front of us?

Dadashri: They will definitely get heated up! Is it under their control? The inner machinery is not under their control! This machinery keeps on working some way or another. If it were under their control, then they would not let the machine get heated up!

He further adds that to get heated up is considered a tremendous weakness. Therefore, the greater the weakness one has, that is indeed why one gets heated up! So you should have pity for the person who gets heated up. ‘The poor guy has no control over this matter.’ You should pity the one who has no control over even his own nature.

We Should Cool Down!

Most of the times, we say that, "I did not want to get angry, but they were angry so I got angry too!" But it is the other person's weakness. If we get angry along with them, then we are considered weak too! Then it will appear that we are on war with each other, and people around you will watch, as in new movie has released.

However, many people have a question, what to do when someone is angry with you, how to remain calm? Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan gives a beautiful understanding of it.

Questioner: What should we do if the men get angry, no matter how calm we remain?

Dadashri: If he gets angry and if you want to quarrel, then you too should get angry, otherwise you should stop it. If you want to stop the ‘film’, then you should cool down. If you do not want to stop the ‘film’, then you should let it continue for the entire night, who is stopping you? Do you like the ‘film’?

Questioner: No, I do not like the film.

Dadashri: What is the need to get angry? That person himself is not getting angry; it is the mechanical adjustment that is expressing the anger. That is why later on, one feels repentance within that, ‘It would have been better if I had not become angry.’

Questioner: What is the solution to cool down the anger?

Dadashri: If a machine has become hot and one wants to cool it down, then if it is left as it is for a while, then the machine will cool down. Whereas if you touch it or prod it, then you will be badly burned.

Questioner: My husband and I end up getting angry and end up getting into intense arguments with each other, a battle royal and all that. So what should I do?

Dadashri: Are you the one who gets angry or is it he? Who gets angry?

Questioner: He does and then I end up getting angry too.

Dadashri: Then you should indeed reproach yourself within, ‘Why are you doing this? You will definitely have to suffer that which you have done!’ However, if you do pratikraman (confess, apologize, and resolve not to repeat a mistake), then all the faults will dissolve. Otherwise, whatever beatings you have given, you will have to suffer in return. But by doing pratikraman, it will slacken a bit.

Soften against Hot Tempered!

When the other person is angry with you, then we should remain calm. Eventually the other person will calm down one day. If the other person says something bad and we try to suppress him with anger, it will not soften him. It may appear softened, suppressed today, but will keep in mind, and then on the day we are softened, he will let it all out together, and recover it all.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that, "So the world is vengeful. The law of nature is that every living being does take revenge. They store particles of inanimate matter inside. So we should completely drop the whole case."

We get angry at someone, and hurt them, then we regret inside that it was wrong. But if the other person gives an opinion on us that, 'This is an angry person', are we going to like that? Similarly, the other person angry today, might repent tomorrow. So we should not give the opinion that he is always angry.

Adjust When Parents Get Angry with You!

Children also get angry if there is any conflict from the parents in the matter of school, work, business, or behavior in the house after their marriage. Even where differences arise due to generation gap, children and young people get angry with their parents and hurt them.

At that time, one should think that anger is not the resolution for the situation. Instead, one should make adjustment as per their parents. If children listen and do according to what their parents say, parents will be satisfied and there will be peace in the house. If necessary, you should sit and have a discussion. We should explain to them of our what our circumstances are, what are our thoughts due to which we do not think their thinking is right.

Why should we forget the favor of our parents who have fed us, nurtured us from our childhood, cared for us in our sickness, taught us, instilled good values, through whom we have our life? If we keep this in mind, even when our parents are angry, we will not react against them and hurt them.

Do Not Get Angry in Front of Children

From a young age, children become stubborn and get angry with their parents if they do not get what they want. Parents try to stop the children's anger by persuading them, scaring them, threatening them to reduce their anger. But nothing works. So parents complain that no matter how much we try to explain them they are still angry, what should we do to reduce their anger? Then Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan shows a rare remedy.

If parents desire that their children do not get angry with them, then first parents need to mend their ways by not get angry with their children. Because, children learn what they see in their own home. When children see their parents get angry at each other since childhood, they feel that getting angry is the right thing to do. So if under any circumstances parents do not express their anger in front of their children then the children's anger will dissolve automatically.

Prayer Repentance Remedy

Different people react in different ways when dealing with anger from another person. Some people talk back, some people get frustrated within but will not vocalize, whereas some people close their inner doors. But our time and energy are wasted in the bitterness that arises within us due to these. So when the other person is angry, we should divert our energies in the right way.

Remembering the pure Soul of the other person, one should pray to him that, "O Lord, give him the strength to settle his mind. I apologize for being the cause of his anger. I pray that they may find peace."

If a person keeps getting angry with you all the time, if possible, we should sit down and discuss in face to face. We should ask them with love, that where is my fault, please show me. At home or at work, if the other person is eager to say something and recites eight-ten sentences, we should remove the extra words from them and grasp the intention behind what they say. Accept and correct what is appropriate. Look at the other person's positives, by saying that, 'He got angry, but he has a very good heart.' By having this attitude, our strength increases and the other person stops getting angry and his mind settles.