What to do to handle workplace anger?

Giving a beautiful example that of a boss and a servant, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan explains under what circumstances we get angry on the underhand, and in such a situation, what kind of interaction should be maintained. In this example taken for handling workplace anger, in the place of the boss, there could be any superior, and in lieu of the servant, it could be any person working under us as a subordinate.

A servant walks up with a tray full of cups, suddenly trips, and the cups break, now there, the boss panics and boils as if his Soul’s got broken. What happens then, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan gives its vivid description here.

Dadashri: Even when cups break, one gets agitated. He scolds the servant, 'Your hands are broken, this is how they are broken.' At that moment, if one thinks, 'What would my state be if I was in his place? How bad would I feel?' Does anyone think like that? What happens in the servant's mind, 'This boss is scolding me for no reason, it is not my fault. I am a servant, and I am serving here, that’s why he is yelling at me.' That's how the poor servant feels.

So, it is due to lack of understanding that rich people hurt the poor, otherwise would any servant break cups? And if that servant would be breaking cups, then would he not break them daily? When he is unable to hold them in his hands, only then they break, isn’t it? Nobody breaks anything in this world, it is all your own account (of karma) that is being repaid. In that, poor servant ends up becoming an instrument (nimit).

But the moment cups break at the hands of the servant, Madam starts shouting, and if Sir (boss) is seated there, even he too would get agitated. Hey, if one partner gets wild, that's enough, let him alone get wild! Why should every partner get upset? In a company, if one of the partners gets angry, it’s more than enough! Let one’s bugle blow! But should everyone’s bugle blow together? Why do all blow? Even if one doesn’t wish to, yet it gets blown, because ignorance connects them! And when all bugles blow together, that servant trembles! When everyone is pouncing upon him, even that child will come out screaming that, 'He is worth being beaten up.' What will happen to that servant then?

He (Dadashri) explains that, if the cups fall off the servant’s hands and break, then on the contrary we should ask him, “Brother, hot tea fell on your feet, hope you didn’t get burnt?” How nice would he feel then! The consolation that no one would give even in his own house, if such consolation we give, then how good the servant shall feel in his mind!

Humanity with the Underhand

When work gets spoilt by our subordinates, in work some mistake or damage happens, we reprimand them in strong words or shout at them angrily, "You fools, you don't pay attention!" This is a common example of anger at work. At that time, the first thought that should come in our mind is that if someone talks to us angrily like that, would we like it? And would we work properly when our superiors talk to us explaining things with love or with anger? The behaviour that we like, behaving such with others, that’s called humanity.

Dadashri: If someone is angry with us, we are not able to tolerate that, and whole day long, we keep getting angry on everyone. What kind of wisdom is that?! That is not called humanity. One who cannot tolerate if someone’s got even slight angry on him, that person is getting angry the whole day on everyone; just because those are suppressed, right? So, hitting the oppressed is said to be a very big crime. Must beat the superior, God or the superior, because he is superior, he is powerful. Since the underhand does not have the power, so all his life, one keeps hitting him. Underhand meaning, no matter how guilty he is, yet I always saved him. But superior, no matter how good he is, I cannot afford a superior and I do not want to be a superior of anyone either. If he is good, I do not mind. But that doesn't mean he will remain the same always, right?! Just once he speaks such that creates a headache…, Superior is one that takes care of his subordinate! That is a true superior. I am in search of a true superior. Be my superior, but be the real superior. We are not born to be yelled at; you yell, are we born for that? What big will you give (us, that we should bear that nonsense)?

And if someone is serving at your place, then never disgrace him, never harass him. Treat everyone with respect. (Do not know) From whom what benefit we may earn!

Externally, in a dramatic manner, fulfill your role as a boss, but internally, maintain such understanding that, 'I am boss because of the underhand, I have no right to be angry with him.' If we talk to others with love, the outcome will be fruitful. If we try doing it with irritation in mind, it will spoil the work.

Behave Like a Friend, Not Like a Boss

Often, in the office, when people working under us do not complete their work on time, at their hands some work gets spoilt, some mistake happens, we get angry with them. At that time, what understanding should we keep so that workplace anger does not arise?

There are laws of nature operating behind every work that happens. When instruments (through whom work is destined to get executed) and circumstances connect, when time ripens, at that time, the work shall be completed. So, if work does not happen on time, we must find out due to what circumstances, the work got stalled. Almost every work depends on a lot of circumstances. When one of the circumstances is not being met, the work is stalled; in that, it is possible that it is not the person’s fault. Holding onto our patience, we must pray that may the missing circumstances be met, and without spoiling our mind, we must take appropriate adjustment.

We should also understand that it is not the person’s desire that the work gets delayed. If the work’s got late, we should check why it is not being completed. Is it that the person who must do the work is not understanding it, or he has the pressure of the other jobs (in his hand), or he needs more help? When the problem arises, instead of blaming someone, one should find the cause of the problem and bring about a solution. Doing so, we will get to understand the problems that arise in work and we will get its solution, and the person doing the job also will get insight.

Otherwise also, by getting angry, the work does not get done faster. On the contrary, the work gets disturbed even more, obstacles get created, and as the ego of the person is hurt, he revolts, “Don't want to do it anymore, let the work get spoilt.” So instead, we should behave with the underhand as a friend.

Yet, if it appears that the people are lazing out and work is being delayed, then we must call them in private and explain that, “If your work gets delayed, then, going ahead, so many other work and people shall get affected due to that, and the company also will incur losses.” When after explaining two-four times also the work does not get finished, then say with love, “We have pressure from above. If this much work will not be finished, then although we do not wish to, but we will be forced to take necessary action.” This is how, to the extent possible, one should deal with the situation without workplace anger.

Pratikraman (Repentance)

When a person working with us is caused hurt by our anger, heartily ask for forgiveness from the God residing within them, and decide not to get angry again. If possible, go to them in person and apologize, “I hurt you so much due to my anger, I apologize for that.”

Sometimes, in an office or business, we get afraid to ask forgiveness from that person face to face, what if the other person shall abuse me or embarrass me? What to do in such a situation, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan gives us that understanding.

Ask for Forgiveness Within!

Questioner: Dada, when we practice repentance or pratikraman, it is often the case that when some mistake happened or we got angry on someone, we do feel the burning inside that what happened was wrong, but we do not have the courage to ask for forgiveness in front of that person.

Dadashri: Do not ask for forgiveness like that. Otherwise they will abuse you that, ‘Yes, now you came on track, didn’t you?’ It’s like this. People are not noble. They are not the people worth asking forgiveness. So, apologize within only, remembering his pure Soul! There may be ten among thousands, who even before we apologize, they bow down even further.