How to control your anger?

When it comes to controlling the anger, Param Pujya Dadashri says that, “No one in the world can conquer anger.”

There are two types of anger. One is an outwardly seen agonizing anger or visible outbursts, and the other is an invisible agitating anger. When people say, I have conquered anger, it means they have won the outward anguish. Only outwardly visible, noticeable anger is said to have been won. But in true sense, anger does not completely diminish from the roots. If someone says that, “I have conquered anger”, then his pride (maan) will increase. Then, when the pride gets hurt, when slight insult happens, to protect the pride, anger will certainly happen. If anger does not come out, then inside, there’s terrible uneasiness for sure. So, if you suppress one, then the other increases.

When it is the matter of how to control your anger, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan, while giving a scientific solution, says that anger is a result. By changing its causes, anger can be stopped. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan gives us a detailed understanding of what these causes are and what are their remedies to control anger.

Results Change Only When Causes Are Changed!!

Dadashri: One man asks me, “I have been trying to get rid of this anger for infinite lifetimes, but why does this anger not leave?” I tell him, “You may not know the solution to get rid of anger.” He responds, “The solutions for getting rid of anger have been written in the scriptures; I have been doing all of that, yet the anger does not depart.” I tell him, “The solution has to be the right one.” He says, “I have read many right solutions, but nothing has been of use.” So, I tell him, “Trying to find a solution to stop the anger is foolishness. This is because anger is actually a result. Just as, if you have taken an exam and you get the result; this is the equivalent of trying to get rid of the result. This result that has come, what is it the result of? That is what you need to change.”

People say, “Control your anger, get rid of anger.” Hey, why are you doing this? You are unnecessarily giving yourself a headache! In spite of that, the anger does not actually leave. Yet they will say, “No, sir, I have controlled my anger to some extent.” Hey! As long as it exists within, it cannot be considered as under control. So that man asks, “Then do you have any other solution?” I respond, “Yes, there is a solution. Will you do it?” He responds, “Yes.” So, I say, “Make a note at least once that with whom do you get angry the most in this world? Wherever you get angry, make a note of it and also get to know where you do not get angry. Add it to the list at least once that, ‘I do not get angry with this person.’ Many people do wrong, yet you do not get angry with them, whereas for others, even if the poor person is doing the right thing, you get angry with him. Therefore, there must be some reason, right?

Questioner: Would a knot have been bound in the mind towards that person?

Dadashri: Yes, a knot has been bound. What should you now do to release this knot? The examination has already been given. However, many times you are going to get angry with that person, you are going to get angry that many times. And a knot has already been formed for that person, but what should you do from now on? Whomever you get angry with, do not allow your mind to become negative towards that person. You should reform your mind that, ‘This person is doing that on the account of my own destiny. Whatever he is doing is due to the unfolding of my own karma and that is why he is doing it.’ You should reform your mind in this way. If you keep reforming your mind and if your mind reforms towards that person, then you will stop getting angry towards that person. There will be an effect of the past for some time, the effect of the past, it will give that much effect and then it will cease.

This is a very subtle point and people have not discovered it. There is a solution for everything, isn’t there? The world would not exist without solutions, would it! The world simply tries to destroy the results. Therefore, the solution for anger-pride-deceit-greed is this. Do not do anything about the effect; if you destroy their causes, then all of them will depart. Therefore, one should be a thinker. Otherwise, if one is unaware, then how will he find a solution?

Questioner: How can the causes be destroyed? Please explain that again!

Dadashri: Say I keep getting angry with this man and then I decide that my anger towards him is the result of me previously seeing faults in him. Now whatever wrong he does, if I do not let it affect my mind, then the anger towards him will gradually cease. However, if there are some results of the past, then that many will come, but everything else will cease later on.

Questioner: Does anger arise by seeing faults in others?

Dadashri: Yes. You should also keep in mind that, the faults that you are seeing, they are wrong results too. Therefore, when you stop seeing these wrong results, then the anger will cease. When you stop seeing faults, everything ceases.

Recognize the Ego That Is at the Root of Anger

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan gives a beautiful key to identify the root of anger and destroy it right there. He says that by suppressing anger, it does not get destroyed. But by identifying which ego is working behind the anger that has arisen, the anger can stop.

“So through what type of ego does anger arise? You should examine that. When this child broke a glass, you got angry. At that time, what kind of ego prevailed? ‘I incurred a loss of this glass’; it is that kind of ego. You have the ego of profit and loss. Therefore, you should think about the ego of profit and loss and eradicate it. You keep getting angry by preserving the wrong ego. This anger, this greed, in reality, at the root, all of them are the ego indeed.”

With Right Understanding, Anger Calms Down

Just like when a rock from over the mountain comes tumbling down and hits our head, there is no one to be seen, and therefore, we do not get angry. But when a boy throws the same stone at us, we get angry at that boy. Truly speaking, a stone rolling down the mountain or a boy throwing that stone at you are both the same. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says, “The person who you come across is actually instrumental in the process and is giving you the result of your very own karma. He has become instrumental in the process. Now if you understand this, then the anger can come under control.”

It is like when we have taken our car out on the road and the other vehicle comes from the wrong side, then do we collide with it? No. Because there, we have the awareness that if I collide with it, I will die. When we get angry, we are colliding only with the other person. Sometimes, by arguing or fighting, we collide grossly, while sometimes we subtly collide by spoiling our mind or seeing others faulty. In accident, an apparent death occurs, but in getting angry, much more damage happens.

May All Dice Fall Adverse

We get frustrated and angry when the result is not as per our will. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that when we do according to the other person’s will, our obstinacies go away. In a game, we throw the dice hoping that it yields all heads (to be in our favour), and we get sad or angry when some do not. But “let all the dice fall adverse”, with that thought, if we throw the dice, then as many are heads up, that is good. If we make adjustment with that understanding, then we will not be baffled.

Coming to the Other Person’s Level

When the speed of our thoughts is faster than the other person’s speed of thoughts, the other person does not get us then, and we feel the frustration inside or we get angry over the other person.

While providing a remedy for this, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that at that time, we should slow down our revolution (speed of thoughts). He gives an example that if there is a light that is dim and the other light is of a high voltage, then the brightness of the dim light cannot be increased, but the high voltage light can be made dim. Similarly, if we have the light of more understanding, then we can make such adjustments with the other person, so that difference of opinion does not take place. As a result, inside us frustration or on the outside, anger shall not arise. This is the easiest tip on how to control your anger.

Pratikraman

Even after knowing that anger is wrong, yet anger happens, what does one do then?

At that time, remember the God you believe in and pray that, “Oh God! tremendous anger happened. The other person got hurt so badly! I apologize for that, in your presence, I greatly apologize to you.” This is how, in your mind itself, ask for forgiveness by remembering the Soul of that other person, decide not to repeat this mistake again, and ask God for strength for that. A sincere repentance sooner or later frees one from this guilt.

Do Not Protect Anger

When a teacher is very upset at his student, one may say, “Why are you scolding him so much?” At that time, if the teacher says, “He is worth getting yelled at!” This means anger got protected. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan explains how anger is protected when a father, out of rage, raises his hands on his son.

Dadashri: If a person beats his child, if he beats him after becoming very angry, and then the wife says, “Why did you beat the poor child like this?” Then he will respond, “You will not understand, he deserves to be hit.” So, then the anger understands, ‘Oh, he gave me my food! He does not realize his mistake, on the contrary, he gave the opinion that he deserves to be hit. So, he is feeding me.’ This is considered as feeding it.

When you encourage anger, when you consider it to be good, then that is considered as feeding it. When you know anger to be wrong, then that is not considered as feeding it. When you stick to defending anger, when you take its side, then it gets its food. They are indeed living off this food.

Although we know anger is wrong, yet we protect it in this manner, therefore anger gets an extension. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that by protecting any fault, that fault goes on for another twenty years. It is due to rendering protection that anger is not coming in control despite our lot of efforts. Comprehending this is essential to understand how to control your anger.

Kashays Leave through Knowledge That Separates the Self from the Non-self

There is another way to get rid of anger, the attainment of Self-knowledge (Self-Realization). After attaining Self-Realization, intense anger gets mild. It is through Akram Science that in this age, it has become possible to get the knowledge of the Soul, wherein many people have experienced that after Gnan Vidhi (the process of Self-Realization), 80% of their anger is gone.