How does celibacy help to prevent relationship fights?
The sages and the ascetics did not have any problems or quarrels. They lived as friends with their wives and did not have any husband wife fight. As friends together, they would raise their son and daughter, whereas for these people sex continues as always. Now what is the problem when it goes on forever? One is hungry (for sex), the other one is not, and so the one that is not hungry will say that he or she is not ready. And the other ones will say he or she is hungry. When this happens, the one who is hungry pressurizes their spouse and due to that, enmity is created. That is where all the relationship fights and bickering is. All the nagging and bickering is due to sex. Otherwise, there can be a wonderful friendship for their whole life. They will remain sincere to each other. There is no nagging or husband and wife fighting throughout the whole day.
Sexual interactions between man and woman begin the laying of the claims and demands for and against each other. This is because in sexual interaction, both claim to be the owner, there is only one ‘ownership’ between the two, whereas the viewpoint of the two are different! So if one wants to become free then it is worth not committing this offense and for the one for whom sexual interaction is mandatory then he or she has to settle the matter.
As long as sexual relation exists, interference and its reaction quarrels will exist for sure. We know that when sexual relation with her stops, then interference with her will definitely stop. Interference leads to clash. No other solution has been found other than stopping sexual interaction with her.
The root cause of attachment and abhorrence is sexual interaction. The original cause is sexual interaction. This is the starting point of all raag-dwesh (attachment-abhorrence) that perpetuates wandering life after life. Therefore, if you want to stop this cycle of recurrent worldly interactions, then you have to stop sex. If you can eat mangos and whatever else you like! No one is there to question you even if you eat mangos worth twelve rupees per dozen. This is because mangos will not file a claim against you. If you do not eat mango then it will not fight with you but in this relation (sexual interaction) if you say, ‘I do not want to’, then she will say, ‘no, I want it for sure.’ If she says, ‘I want to go to a movie,’ and if you don’t go, then there will be a fight. You will be in big trouble. This happens because the opponent is laden with ego of, ‘I am so and so’, and prone to ‘bind contracts’ and so she will file a claim against you.
Dadashri: Where do quarrels occur in this world? It is where there is infatuation (asakti). It is where sex is involved. Then one starts the differences of ‘mine’ and yours’. ‘Take your bag away from here. Why did you put your sari in my bag in the first place?’ he will ask. The quarrelling continues as long as they are united by sex, but once they become independent and free from it then there is no problem with who puts what and where. They will not fight anymore will they? How many years has it been since you took your vow of celibacy?
Questioner: About nine years.
Dadashri: So then there are no conflicts since then! There is no problem and the worldly life continues!
Questioner: It does go on, Dada.
Dadashri: Your daughters got married, your son got married…
Questioner: Now there is no problem at home.
Dadashri: Is that so? This science is such that even the worldly life will be wonderful. Yes, one will get his children married; nothing will affect him within, he will remain unperturbed (nirlep). You have not seen any misery, have you? No worries either, right? Absolutely none. You have not had any worries for the past nine years, have you?
Questioner: Many external problems arise but they do not affect me.
Dadashri: Yes, they will arise. As long as you are living a worldly life, they are bound to come. But they will not affect you, not only that they will not hinder you either. There is a safe-side; a safe-side forever. You experience moksha right here, so what more do you need?
Questioner: I am saying that the bliss of moksha should be experienced here and now; then only it is fun.
Dadashri: Then only will true moksha should be experienced here.
Questioner: It is because I am experiencing it here and now that I am saying so. Now there is no longer the need to go to devaloka (celestial world); we no longer wish for (the happiness of) a worldly life. Why worry about anything else when we experience the happiness.
Dadashri: Yes and the train is headed that way. Even at times, if it stops at Surat station for a while, it is still on its way to Bombay Central.
That is great! When I ask people about how they feel and they tell this, I feel that my efforts have paid off. The efforts have been paid off – it is natural to have this much expectation, right?
When my sexual interaction with Hiraba (Dadashri’s wife) stopped, I started calling her ‘Hiraba’ (‘ba’ means mother). After that we haven’t had any problems. And whatever difficulties and clashes we had before, were because of sex. But as long as there is the aftermath of the ‘bite’ of sex, clashes will remain. Even after cessation of overt sexual interaction, the aftermath of the prior sexual interaction remain for some time and then end. So do the clashes. I am telling you this from personal experience.
Look at the wonder of this science! All clashes come to an end. Not only will relationship fights with the wife stop but clashes with the whole world will stop. Such is the effect of this science and you are free when all clashes end.
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